Life and Will
by expletive deleted
Summary: TYL Tsuna/TYL Gokudera. The fight's not stopping, Tsuna's weapon won't work, and the ceiling's caving in, and that's okay. The lines between life and death can be commonplace.


Written for a prompt from the livejournal community khrfest.

Bonds: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu

* * *

"We're not going to make it out of here."

The logistics of fighting had occupied Gokudera's mind since the noises of gunshots, hand grenades, box weapons, and maybe some small robots started in the conference room down the hall. What he and Tsuna had seen of the battle had sent them ducking into a sitting room and sheltering behind a chaise longue, since the opponents, the Macchina, were between them and the Cavallone. Which wasn't necessarily a problem. The fight had started after Tsuna got impatient with the deadlock in negotiations and excused them, to go to the men's room and bitch a little and neaten each other's suits, so it looked like the other side considered them a problem. Damn ___right_. Gokudera had already taken a moment to be very comfortable in his pride - but there was no gain from being reckless, and he ran over strategies as he listened to the battle.

It looked like Tsuna had kept busy by staring at his mittens. There was movement under the wool, so he was probably wriggling his fingers too.

He didn't look panicked or anything, but out of long habit Gokudera started reassuring him. "There's no need to say that, Tenth! These weaklings won't be much of a problem once we make it through them and join up with the others."

"Gokudera," Tsuna said, "I don't think I have any regrets."

Gokudera looked at him. He couldn't figure out why it was a problem, and if he shouldn't be giving congratulations.

"That means I can't use my Dying Will pills!"

"Oh!" Gokudera frowned. He'd never questioned how the Tenth entered the dying will state, instead caught up in its effectiveness. Now he remembered that expression of grim resignation in Tsuna's eyes, and had he ever looked otherwise when using the Hyper Dying Will? "But you - do you have to regret something every single time?"

"There's always a feeling that I have to do something. That it's something I can't ... leave behind the way it is." Tsuna seemed to struggle for words, and then to give up. "It's like lighting the rings, but it's not just determination. The Vongola Dying Will feels different to that. And I've never fought without it!"

The room rattled with the battle, furniture jumping where it stood. The vases and window panes had already shattered before they got into the room. "There's really nothing you want to change right now, Tenth?"

He looked about as stumped as Gokudera felt. "I kind of wish they were making something Japanese for supper back home. But that's not great motivation, huh?"

"We'd be late for supper if we don't fight our way out," Gokudera tried, but Tsuna shrugged.

"We're late all the time. Lately I kind of like it. The quiet's nice."

He studied his boss and Tsuna let him, leaning against the back of the couch. Calm and put-out, Tsuna looked in no hurry to do anything in particular. In this kind of mood he might start playing a video game, wander around the mansion asking who felt like going to town, or would even listen to Ryohei's suggestions about a boxing match. It ___was_ strange to see him untroubled by disasters that hadn't happened yet, especially with the sound of one down the hall. He'd got used to fighting over the years; far more than he'd ever expected or really wanted to be, as he'd say, but even so it was rare for him to be this calm about it. If Gokudera thought about summoning the Vongola type of Dying Will himself ... the least of his regrets might be the idea that there would never be an end to them. All the things he should make up, all the things he'd never be able to. "Seriously? No regrets at all?"

Tsuna looked considering ... and then he looked shy. It was difficult to tell since the lights in the room were off, but he seemed to be blushing as he finally pocketed his mittens. "I've had a really great week."

In slow but increasingly fine detail, Gokudera remembered events of the past week. "You ... you did?"

"Well. You know! We got to... Ahem," Tsuna said, and rolled his eyes at himself. Then he resolutely avoided looking at Gokudera. "We had the holiday, and everything."

"I know, I know! But everything was that good?" Gokudera said, and leaned towards him as a section of the ceiling collapsed.

Tsuna jumped, and it was a guess which stimulus played the biggest part in the reaction. But it was a big room, the collapse was on the other side, and the fight didn't sound closer - the collapse had probably just been a stray hand grenade - so Gokudera didn't budge.

The Tenth gave him a quick look, then squared his shoulders and, now distinctly red in the face, faced up to confession. "A couple of times when I had to go into battle ... not a lot! But I guess it was frustrating to think that - I have regretted - and this isn't why I did it, okay? Definitely not. But..." He diverted his pained gaze out the room's warped window frame, and then briefly hid his face in one hand. "...At least now I know I won't die a virgin."

"So you don't regret—" Gokudera shook his head impatiently. "I mean, you really, really liked—it erased...?" He smoothed a hand over Tsuna's twiddling thumbs and gave up on not kissing him, and went for cheek, mouth, neck. "No regrets ___at all_?"

"I told you I liked doing it that way," Tsuna muttered, and then his eyes went wide as he remembered they weren't exactly in a private place. He poked his head around the couch, scanning the room.

Gokudera thumped himself on the chest and tried to clear his throat quietly. He also tried not to cry. Just a bit.

When Tsuna sat back it was closer to him, shoulder against shoulder. "It was great that we got to go on that yacht-trip with Dino-san, and going diving without actually drowning myself, and getting to really see Italy and act like a tourist—even if you hate them." Gokudera pressed comfortably closer at the laugh in Tsuna's voice. "And, you know. The sex thing." Tsuna swallowed, still a little shy, but found it easy to meet his eyes this time. "That was pretty... You didn't have to worry the way you did. That was great."

Gokudera had no idea how Tsuna couldn't regret that they weren't at home (___in bed_) right fucking now, but Tsuna was looking at him like he didn't need to do much more to be happy. He couldn't complain about that.

"So at this moment there isn't much I'd change," Tsuna said. "Usually it would be enough that we're in a dangerous situation, but this isn't a serious fight. Not if we stay here, anyway."

Gokudera marshalled himself. "That would be inappropriate." He used a tone of voice that was the result of a long, mostly unspoken negotiation between the two of them and Reborn; it meant that Gokudera was talking business, and Tsuna was supposed to take his words on those merits. It wasn't necessarily the most important thing to either of them, but it was important. "We're sworn to assist the Cavallone."

"Someone like Dino-san can definitely take care of the Macchina," Tsuna said, and gave a sigh. "But it's the look of the thing, right? It's beside the point that the Cavallone are more than strong enough."

"And that the Macchina are dumbasses."

"Exactly." Tsuna still didn't take his mittens or Dying Will pills out. "But being annoyed isn't enough for the Hyper Dying Will."

"If anything happens to me, Tenth." Gokudera swallowed. "That would be a regret." It was an embarrassment to draw on this for such a petty situation. What they had was too good to use this way.

"It would be, but it isn't right now. I mean, you're right here, and you know how to take care of yourself. And..." Tsuna watched dim flashes of red and white-hot light from down the hall dance across the floor. Then he took a deep breath. "It feels like I can't even worry about that. Because it's something that can't be allowed to happen. It..." He unbuttoned his suit jacket. "Won't happen."

Reborn was the one who made him carry a gun, and Gokudera was relieved to have it happen that way so he never had to start the arguments about it.

"This should be pretty simple," Gokudera said. "We only need to break through to the Cavallone side. I dynamite one ends of the Macchina side and we blast through the other. The Sistema CAI can shield you in the lead - they won't expect you on the ground or with a gun, so it'll take them off guard - Uri and I can flank, and Nuts can defend the rear. There might be a couple of traps set up but they probably didn't have the time, and who gives a crap if we go all out against those guys? It'll be okay, Tenth."

Tsuna was staring at the gun.

"Tenth?"

"I feel like I could regret this," Tsuna said, and took the safety off. But he was smiling a little. "Hey, I didn't mean what I said before. We'll make it out. I guess."

Gokudera would easily admit that he was better than the Tenth at being comforting. He wrapped an arm around Tsuna's shoulders and squeezed. Then they stood up and got prepared.

"You know," Tsuna said, "the Macchina must have thought they'd finish this fight before we got back from the bathroom. Bet they had a special weapon and everything. Did you know Dino-san ___budgeted_ for a betrayal? I saw him do the accounts. He said if nothing else, he'd be happy to get an idea of the kind of weapons they might be selling to other families."

"It's pretty fucking stupid," Gokudera agreed, and gave him a quick kiss. The last thing Tsuna did before they exited was to press his hand against the inner jacket pocket where he kept that ancient lucky charm of his, and then he ran through fire.

Parts of the hallway smouldered with the earlier explosion, and the ceiling outside the lounge was sagging dangerously. Gokudera had been prepared for Tsuna to hesitate, since he was running into a fight with a weapon he rarely fought with, but apparently the Tenth had prepared for hesitation too - he visibly controlled himself, pushing past nervousness but still moving cautiously enough to keep an eye on their surroundings. The lessons from all the fights he'd been through had stuck. He only took one look back, mostly to quirk the corner of his mouth at Gokudera in a quick smile. Tsuna had changed a lot - even though it could still take something really simple to take away his regrets.

Years ago, Gokudera had crawled out of fire for Tsuna. And really, it can be such an easy thing to die.

That was one of the things about Gokudera that had never changed, and would never. He grinned ferociously back at Tsuna, because it was time to fight his way out of fire again.


End file.
